9pm Sunday 3rd January 2010
Here we go again: Again I'm having a cold and again I'm in Hampi and also gain I don't like it here. The place itsself is absolutely gorgeous, but I can't go with the people here. First of all the number of people is just too much and secondly the type of people, which is mainly some sort of pseudo/fashion hippie. And then there's a lot of drinking and smoking involved here, which is just very overwhelming for me at the moment, too, coming directly from the Vipassana environment. There's just no spirituality at all here and for me it just feels like sin city at the moment. Maybe it's not that bad and I'm just having a cultur-shock after all the Ashram life experiences, but right now I feel like leaving again. Though I found a dirt cheap room, which I can have from tomorrow on in a beautiful hotel, where I can teach also, I don't feel like staying. And I don't feel like teaching here either. I have the impression everything here is just so fake and I don't want to teach Yoga to fake people. Oh gosh I'm so prejudgemental and I'm so sorry about it, but that's just how I feel now. The other thing is that there are already 3 Yoga teachers here, which weren't there last time and that creates competition, greed, pressure etc...I don't want to be part of that and also I don't want to invest so much (money and energy) in advertising myself. Cyriac (the massage teacher who I'm gonna share the space with) said that it's absolutely necessary to print flyers and make a big banner. I don't know about that. I don't want to waste my time, but I don't want to give up on this challenging situation too fast. It's very hard for me to tell what would be the best way to go now. I mean, for sure it would be great to get some teaching experience here and to earn a couple of bugs wouldn't hurt me either. On the other hand I don't have much time left in India and there are countless of exciting and inspiring places that I still want to see. I probably will let the fate decide for me again. So far that was always the right way for me and a wonderful guidance. So, I might stay for a few days and see if I get some students just through word to mouth. If yes I might stay, if not I'd better move on. The other thing is that it's extra hard for me to keep on my meditation and Yoga practice here as the whole environment is so discouraging. Gosh, I really feel like going to the Vipassana centre. I almost stayed actually as I wanted to serve the next course, but then I decided to give it a try and come. I hope that decision was not stupid. The Vipassana course had a very profound impact on me. It started something very very important and I need to keep working. I feel how striking this is for me! Also the people I met there were all so inspiring and it just felt so natural to talk with them about my deepest spiritual thoughts and feelings. I already know that Vipassana is gonna play a very important role in my life.
Hari Om

9pm Wednesday January 6th 2010
Well, I'm still in Hampi, he? Yep! Interesting development. The day before yesterday night I thought that I definitively decided to leave. I slept in that cheap room, which turned out to be aweful, because mouldy, no mosquito-net and no fan and was looking forward to the next day, to book a train and leave. So, I got up in the morning went over to the guesthouse next door, where Aloka and Russel (two awesome dudes I met on the train ride from Pune to Hubli) stayed to have breakfast with them and to book the train together as they're supposed to return to Pune. I went, but they were not there. I had my breakfast and just on my way out I hear somebody calling me from the side:"Excuse me! Sorry, but I was wondering if you know if there are any Yoga classes around here." (I was carrying my mat;) I sat down with that guy, we started chatting and having another chai and it really felt like a sign to me. He was so happy that I'm a Yoga teacher and so looking forward to come to my class. Well, what can I say? After this I decided to give the whole thing another try. First of all I wanted to move again. I really didn't like the vibe at the hotel I was staying and so asked here at the Shanti guesthouse, which is the most beautiful place in Hampi. The view is just breathtaking. You look over the ricepaddies directly on the river and the huge boulders and the sunsets just leave you speechless. So, I asked for a room, chatted with the owner and he offered me that I can teach and therefore stay for free. Alright, I won't say no to that! I stayed and now I'm here in my modest little room, but with fan and mosquitonet and without mold.
Then printed flyers and put them up in the Hema guesthouse where Cyriacs gazebo is and here offering morning and afternoon classes. And yes, it worked:) Today I gave my first official Yogaclass in the mroning! I had two students, both bloody beginners. We practiced on the lawn, which pretty nice, besides the mosquito attack during sunrise. And then I decided to teach on a donation base, so that everybody can giive what he or she can give and feels like. I recommended 150-200 Rupees, cause that's what all the others here charge also. I got a total of 250 Rupees, which was enough for today's food!:) So nice. In the afternoon nobody showed up though, which surprised me a little bit I must say. But I was told that this is normal, as people prefer the mornings, cause in the afternoons they're either busy sightseeing or too lazy. Anyways, I will not complain. Tomorrow there are a few other people who showed interest in joining the class and I'm looking forward to it on the one hand being sceptical (and a bit nervous) about it on the other hand. I mean somehow I hopefully gonna handle it, but it's also more pressure, no? I'll try to take it easy. I mean I'm not really charging anybody and if I don't do a perfect job then it doesn't really matter. Of course, it's not nice and people will say not very nice things, but let's hope for the best and just see what happens. The two students I had this morning were very very inflexible and it was kind of challenging to shift mentally to that level. But that's exactly what I was hoping to get here: Experience! To really get to know how it is to teach people who are new to Yoga, which can be very difficult at times. That I can tell already. And I can also already see other little challenges, like: Keeping the classes interesting enough without making it too scattered and without overwhelming the people. Trying not to get bored of always saying the same things. Staying confident even if the students ask questions that you can't really answer...etc.
So, my "plan" now is that I don't really have one to be honest, which feels OK for the moment. I was and I'm still thinking of taking the Thai Yoga massage course with Cyriac, but I don't really have the money for it right now. Though I'm sure it's a wonderful thing to offer in Tunisia, especially in combination with the Yoga. I could imagine that many people would be interested in it, especially well off ladies. And the other good thing is that again it's something that you can offer anywhere without the need of any equipment. He offered me to work for him and practise here, but I'm not sure if I really want to stay in Hamppi for that much longer actually. Well, I will again just keep trusting in Dhamma and hoping that it'll take care of me in some way or the other. I'm so looking forward to Tunisia and I'm just so excited about how and if it's gonna work out there. I mean that's gonna be my first real attempt to an independent life-making without any boss, any superior person who's gonna tell me what to and how to do it. Finally! Of course, I'm also a bit nervous about it and my mind keeps annoying me with those typical doubts and anxiety thoughts. But I guess that's the mind's job, he? I have to accept that with the knowledge that these are just thoughts that are being offered, but that I don't have to buy them, right? So, I keep going and exploring and risking always with a deep faith in life, in the rule of nature, in Dhamma.
Hari Om

9.25pm, Friday January 8th
Very nice, very nice;)
This was a very pleasant day today, thanks for that! I had a lovely company of Manuel and Lettika, two people I've met here and we went together to see some really special rockformations on the other side of the river. Everything was shaped in a round way and washed out by the masses of water that were flowing over them. This time a year mostly underneath and during the monsoon even over the rocks. We even had a nice dip in one of the natural pools there. So, refreshing! Oh, on our little hike there, which took us through banana plantations and some beautiful fields with little ponds we've seen some small crocodiles. We were told they're living around the river area. It's really amazing how much wildlife they have around Hampi. There are supposed to be even bears in this area and I mean snakes, of course, I don't even have to mention.
From the rocks we found a local who took us back in his boat, which was a selfmade little round something that looked more like a nutshell and was leaking terribly. But it was so much fun to ride in it. Wow, my cold is not really getting better and now my throat is being sore and my ears start aching. Yoga class went very well today. I had two new students in the morning: One who never did any Yoga before and then another one who's been practising Bikram Yoga for a while. Both from London. And it was quite nice actually, eventhough it's really challeging to teach somebody who's really doing it for the very first time. Challenging in a very good way though, as it keeps you alert and aware of your teaching. Then after our excursion I gave a class to Lettika and that was absolutely nice, because we have a very nice energy between us already and that's always being enhanced when you practice together. So the exchange was very good. I'm wondering about tomorrow morning...about how many people are coming and about who is coming. And I really hope that my throat is gonna be better, as I can hardly do the Omkars like that. We'll hope for the best. Actually, it's funny the fact that I'm offering the classes twice a day now and some people are showing up gives me almost the feeling of being at work. I mean somehow I am working and it's fun, too, cause I'm doing what I love and I'm already getting paid for it. But it's also a little committment and have to be there, no matter how tired I am at 7am in the morning and no matter where I am at 4pm. It's a good thing - I like it:-)
Hari Om
P.S. I'm being meditating in the mronings from 5-6am since I'm here which is great, but can't find the time/discipline for the evening sittings so far.

sunday 4.20pm 10.01.2010
I feel so bad! I got sicck in the night from yesterday to today, but really really badly. I spent most of the night on the toilet with diarrhea and vomiting and then I even started bleeding, eventhough I finnished my period 2 days ago. I also got high fever, at least 39 or more and my whole chest is full with mucus. I have no idea what this is and where I have it from and what to do. The fever went down and now up again and my entire body is hurting. I just ate some plain porridge and took some Paracetamol against the fever. The German saying is so true:"A sick person has only one wish. To get better again!" Last night I was so weak that I fainted in the bathroom. So I was laying there for a while before I could get back to my room. That's the other thing. I don't have an attached bathroom here, which doesn't really help. I just hope that it will disappear as mysteriosly and as quickly as it came up. Then of course I couldn't teach my class and I feel a little bad about it as I couln't tell my students in advance that I won't be there. But what can I do. Yesterday morning I had about 8 or 10 students in my class. Wow, that was different. But I managed them OK I think. Nobody complained and everybody donated something. One person even gave me a banana...what ever that means?
Right now I kind of feel like leaving home and just being with my mum;) But I guess that's gonna change as soon as I'm cured again. I also have the desire to leave hampi, but I suppose that this also has to do with my current physical health state and a maybe subconscious aversioon against the location I got it from. At leat there are some people who take care of me. My neighbours here I know from Omkareshwa and they are very sweet. And then Cyriac came here and brought me some Paracetamol and was just there. So that's nice after all. Also Manuel offered to get me a doctor. I guess if I don't feel better by tomorrow I'm gonna see one, just to make sure it's not Malaria or anything dangerous. I hope that they're able to make a blood test here. Alright, back to sleep.
Hari Om

11.01.2010 Monday 5.50pm
I went to the doctor today with Cyriac, who also got sick. But we weren't really lucky as the doctor was not there and so we just talked to the nurse who gave us some medicine against our sypmtoms. The thing is now that I'm taking the Paracetamol, but I'm still having fever, which is strange. I mean according to what I've heard so far, I don't think that I have Malaria, but I kind of suspect that there's something wrong going on in me, because I just had too many times fever the last weeks. And also now it's very suspicios that it's hard to control. I might wanna go to Hospet tomorrow to get a blood test - here there's nothing around where I could get it tested. It's very rural. Also I'm getting a sort of bad conscious, because I'm not really able to teach and the people still keep showing up in the mornings. Then I'm staying here for free and I'm not able to teach right now, which leaves me feeling a bit guilty, too. The energy here in Hampi is really strong and keeps me very alert about being here. On the one hand I'm comfy and it's nice and so on, but on the other hand I have a strong urge to leave as soon as possible. I was talking to Shuli today about it and she has the same feeling about this place. Wow, I'm sweating so much! So, I'm not sure what to do about the teaching. I feel pretty much under pressure to do it, but I don't feel healthy enough to go for it. I think I won't. Health is much more important in the end.
Hari Om

12.01.2010 Tuesday 9am
Had the worst diarrhea in the night. Just water coming out of me, though I'm taking the medication. Feel so weak. I'm trying to see a real doctor in Hospet now. I hope he can help. I feel like leaving this place so much!