Thursday, January 28, 2010


Tuesday 12.01.2010 7.15pm
So, after a very lively night of a lot of toilet-time I decided to finally go to se a real doctor, which meant going all the way to Hospet. Luckily I ended up the Ayurvedic doctor's place right across my guesthouse. Isn't it funny how we sometimes don't see the things that are really right in front of us and instead try to reach for the far?
This doctor asked me many things about my physical state and about the last few days and so on, and after he checked my abdomen and I told him about the very funny and loud noises in my belly he diagnosed that i got "Amoebia". Apparently it's a sort of parasite that you can get either from food or water, which was infected. After that he went off to his clinic in another town, where he got us (for me and for Cyriac, too) some Ayurvedic medicine against it. Now I have a whole cocktail of different things that I have to take,but according to what he's said the medicine should make me feel better within the next two days. I really hope he's right. Though I must say that I already feel more energetic than this morning. This morning I was so so weak and exhausted, it was too much. He reckons that I can start teaching the day after tomorrow again. let's see how it goes. At the moment I still have diarrhea, but that hopefully is gonna stop very soon. I met Julien and Erika next door today. That was a nice surprise to see some familiar faces, and especially some who are not drunk or stoned all the time. Hampi, Hampi...keeps me sitting on the fence, between staying here and moving on. I guess this on-off-feeling will keep propping up as long as I'm here. Sometimes I just get an overload of all the ganja-atmosphere everywhere, where like a normal conversation is at times really not easy to find. But nevermind, this is not my business, so why bother, right? It's so nice to feel some traces of energy coming back to my body-it feels like too long ago that I've felt that before. I hope it stays like that!
Hari Om

Friday 15.01.2010 7.40pm
I'm feeling much much better, though I threw up my lunch from today. But altogether I think I'm getting healthy again, at least that's how it feels right now. I got back to teaching yesterday, too and it's going OK. Yesterday morning I was having my breakfast when suddenly Annie showed up, who's a friend of mine i met last year in Mexico. The world is really getting smaller and smaller. It's so good to see her again.
Concerning my travels I'm getting mad. I feel unable to make decision here. It feels ike this place is sucking my energy and in the same time kind of doesn't let me go. It's weired! But I want to leave. I'm being in contact with Alicia and we might meet up somewhere and move on together. That would be sweet actually. Otherwise I just move on south by myself, that's OK, too. I just feel like getting out of here! Even the Yoga teaching became kinda bad. I don't know what's going on, but my mind is not being very balanced the last days. I need some change of environment. This one is not being very good on me. And I'm not doing the massage course, either. I decided that it's too much money for me now and that it's just not the right time for it. Today I went with Shulamid, Jan, Anita and Marco (some friends from my guesthouse) to the other side to see the Vittala temple. It was a vert strange energy though throughout the day - it was sun eclipse, maybe it had to do with that. In the end we didn't enter, cause it was too expensive. But the I'm happy that I went anyways as the way to the temple is just absolutely gorgeous passing through some special rockformations and little caves and temples next to the river, which I all haven't seen before. So, that was nice. I'm gonna check out tomorrow! There must be a way to leave Hampi, no?!
Hari Om

Sunday 17.01.2010 10pm
Yay! I made it - I left Hampi;)
Yesterday morning I gave my last Yoga class at Shanti, which was really beautiful actually as the energy of my students was very nice. Then I had nice relaxed breakfast with them, packed my stuff, checked out and went with Anita and Marco on the side to meet up with Annie. After we all had lunch together I went with Annie and nother girl to finally visit Vittala and some other temples. It was a very relaxed and awesome day, especially talking to Annie was so much fun. I like her a lot, she's so full of positive energy and very inspiring to me. I hope to visit her this summer in Croatia. In the evening we ate dinner together in the Mango tree, which was a nice way to say goodbye to Hampi and then I went off to Hospet to take the overnight bus to Bangalore. Everything worked out very smoothly and without any complications. In Bangalore I caught the local bus to Pondicherry and got here by 3pm. What I didn't know though was that there's some local holiday here, which is the reason why all the guesthouses are fully booked out until February! But, of course, there's always a solution as long as you just trust. So, I met a nice young man on the street whom I had lunch with (and a REAL! croissant and Cappuccino!:) and there I met that girl who's staying in one of the many Ashram guesthouses. Though I didn't get a room in her one, after some more asking, talking and more "coincedences" I got a great room in another Ashram Guesthouse with private bathroom for 70 Rupees and I can eat at the Ashram for 20 Rupees per day! This is defenitevely the cheapest place I've stayed so far. Then it turned that I'm doubly lucky as they normally don't accept foreign guests and now I'm only here because the night guard is new and didn't know about that rule. Pondicherry I really like so far. It's very very different to all the other Indian cities I've seen. Especially the variety of restaurants is amazing. Hey, you get real french pastries here! hOW WILL i EVER BE ABLE TO LEAVE THIS PLACE AGAIN?! I was walking around with that German woman for a short while and that was enough to get reminded why I decided to leave that country. Thanks for reminding me universe, I almost forgot! It's hard to explain what it is, but I can only say that the whole time I felt very unnatural with her. She made me feel "different", but not in a good way...OK, I'll finally recharge my battery a bit and get some sleep after that long journey.
Hari Om
P.S.: Got a horrible diarrhea again yesterday. I wonder how long it's gonna take to be fine again. My cough is getting very bad, too. My whole chest hurts and is full of mucus.

Wednesday 20.01.2010 10.15pm
Yay yay. life liife I love youhouuuuuuuu!
I just came back from a Indian dance performance, which was just amazing! There's a festival going on here at the moment, which is called "Bonjour India" and organised by the French cultural Ministry or so. Anyways, it's free, awesome and goes on for 8 days. So, where can I start? Yesterday I met Alicia and Annemiek at Aurobeach and we spent the day in Auroville together. Walking around, visiting the Matrimandir (which is that famous big round golfball-esh object) eating delicious food and talking to nice people. Auroville actually impressed me a lot I must say. It's such a huge project, such a big vision and so much wonderful work has already been done and so many beautiful things are still in progress. I wish I had more time to get more into it. But I know, I really know that I will come back here. It's just too fascinating! And also I wanna see and seriously check if this might be my place...yeah, Auroville definitevely is on my list of those places that I consider as interesting for longer living. OK, that was yesterday. Then Alicia and Annemiek went off to some place not too far to visit some famous temple town. I wasn't in the mood and decided to stay here. We'll meet up later. So, I got up meditated, did my Yoga practise and had a nice breakfast at "your daily bread" with good coffee and croissant. Then I took it easy and used the internet (booked my flight to Germany for March 2nd) and cycled around Pondicherry eating this and that, sat on the beach and read my book. Then when I was looking for another festival performance I bumbed into Nalini, a girl from Brazil, who's here to visit her mum, who lives in an Ashram nearby. Actually from what I've heard so far that Ashram sounds veryvery interesting. It's still hard to put my finger on it, but altogether it sounds like a smaller version of Osho's. Well, I'm going to visit the Ananda Ashram (it's a Yogaashram that offers excellent TTCs) tomorrow anyways and as the Srivast-Ashram is closeby I'm gonna visit it, too. Nalini is looking for some company for her travels and as she's interested in going roughly into the same direction I offered her to come with us. For now we exchanged numbers and then we'll see. She's a very sweet girl, I think it would be nice to travel with her. What a nice day again. I love Pondicherry so much. It offers so many things that you just don't get in the rest of India. Though I feel like it's also so easy to gain weight here. I'm eating something all day long. And though I'm having the eating coupons for the dining hall I mostly eat other things. The food is just too good to resist and so cheap, too. I mean I can get 3 superdelicious Samosas for 10 Rupees, which is 7-10 Eurocents? Fresh watermelon juice for 15 Rupees, pommegranate juice for 30Rupees, real Capuccino with a real Croissant for 39 Rupees...etc. the list goes on and on and on. Whatever you want to eat, name it and you'll get it! I love yummytown!
Hari Om

Friday 22.01.2010 9pm
Still in Yummytown and still yummy. So, I managed to visit both Ashrams yesterday, which was very interesting, because every single Ashram I've visited so far in India is completely different from the other, and so are Ananda and Srivast. First I went to the Ananda Ashram, which was fortunately in walking distance from the bus stand near Aurobeach. As I found it, I immediately got a very good impression, especially because I liked what it said a t the entrance: "Please enter only if you're happy". I found that very cute and welcoming. Inside I got the chance to meet Shaleela, who is a Check girl currently living at the Ashram. She'd taken the course already and was very knowledgable and friendly. She showed me the whole complex and explained to me where they have which class and with which teacher etc. Actually the Ashram is very beautiful. It has a good size and appears very welcoming. The course sounds extremely interesting as it goes very deep into each subject. Also the group is very small, as there are always only between 8 and 15 participants per course. OK, now to the "buts". It is relatively expensive. First one has to do a sort of preparatory course, where you buy a book and answer questions. The answers are send via email to Ammaji and get discussed. This takes about 3 to 4 months and costs already 600 euros! Then you can start the actual course, which is another 4000 euros. So, it comes down to about 1000 dollars for each month, which I find quite a lot. Or maybe it's actually not too much? I mean my course was 750 and we were 45 people in our batch and there we're about 10 and have a single room each. Well, I don't know, what I know is that it's a lot of money for me at the moment. It was good that I went though, as it gave me a good idea about the course. So, after that I took a rikshaw to the Srivast Ashram, which turned out to be so different. Man, that Ashram is so fancy! It's more like a resort or spa. The buildings are big and very beautiful and everything is arranged in a very nice way. But: It's so expensive! they charge you 1200 Rupees per day if you stay in a dorm. I can't afford that now, so I didn't stay. After that I went back to Pondy and did some shopping, got some shirts and books. Yesterday was Thursday, which means that the group meditation took place in the Playground instead of the Samadhi and I was really looking forward to it. But when I wanted to enter it turned out that my Lodging Pass was expired (the hotel guy forgot to extend it) and the man at the entrance refused to let me in. He was actually very rude, too and it totally ruined my evening. That situation was very crucial for me, as I had to realize how much it happened to affect me. I was angry and also surprised that it this could make so angry and that made me more angry. And eventhough I was aware of myself being so reactive I couldn't help it. It took me about an hour or two to get down again. Wow, that didn't happen to me in a very long time, that something had such a strong impact on my feelings. But today I thought about it again and then I wondered: Who did I think I am? I shouldn't have taken myself so seriously or better to say: I shouldn't have tried to react with such an aversion against my angry feelings. Because instead of judging myself and not accepting what is I didn't allow the moment to unfold naturally and so I missed the chance of simply observing the situation. I think I might have also been a little blinded by the beautiful time I've spent before, which led me to a sort of craving for more. I probably needed this little thing to happen, as it was a very helpful little reminder of anicca, the law of nature, which is change! A good lesson:) So far for yesterday.
Today I got up a little earlier than the days before, which was really nice. I've been kind of sleepy the last mornings and couldn't really tell why. Anyways, so I managed to get up at 6, meditated half an hour, did a short Yoga practice and went off for breakfast. I really love to take my meals at the dining hall. Though the food is very very simple it has a fantastic energy and the hall itself, which is an old colonial building, is just so beautiful. After that I quickly packed my stuff and moved to this other guesthouse. Here I decided to spend my last day at the beach and so I spontaneously packed my bikini and left for the bus. The journey in the bus was again very, let's say, intense. It's just so crowded that breathing becomes a challenge, but however I reached my destination, which was Aurobeach. There I hung out for a while and then I had an awesome lunch at Repos (that's the beach restaurant, which is part of Auroville). At Repos I met Masha, who is a lovely Russian woman. She also is into Vipassana and just spent 1 month in Pondy to study Aurobindo's Integral Yoga. We spent the rest of the day together at the beach, enjoying the sun and the ocean and talking about meditation, Yoga and why nobody likes Russians and Germans. I'm being really blessed that I'm lately meeting so many wonderful people here. This place, and here I'm meaning the whole area of Pondy/Auroville, is one of my favourites if not my favourite in Inida. It's so full of potential, opportunities, so full of life! I gotta come back. Soon!
Hari Om
P.S. Nalini decided to join us and so I'm going to Trichy tomorrow where I meet the girls and Nalini. From there we're going to Kodai.

Sunday 24.01.2010 9.30pm
Yes, on the road again. I left Pondicherry yesterday and went staright to Trichy, where I met Alicia and Annemiek in the late afternoon. Today in the morning we went to visit some temples around Trichy and then I met up with Nalini at the hotel. From there we took the bus to Tajune (or something like that?). Alicia suggested to go there to check out some more temples and so I said OK why not. In fact the temple is really nice from what I've seen so far. Tomorrow we have a long day: First we gonna visit the palace and then we'll go to Kodaikanal over Trichy, which means at least 8 hours bus ride plus waiting time at the different stations. It's interesting to see how different it is to travel in a group again. When you're alone or max with one other person everything happens much quicker and smoother. Now you gotta check if really everybody is coming and happy with the restaurant, the room, the timing etc.
I think it's time for me to do some vaman or some other technique to reduce my pitta a bit, as it's getting a little to strong. My patience is getting less and my anger stronger; I can especially feel that when I'm waiting for somebody. It makes me crazy and I know it shoulnd't, because it's nobody's fault. Anyways, now I'm sharing with Nalini a room and it's OK. I'm realising how much I like to do things my way and how much I'm used to it. But adjustement and change are good not to get stuck and to stay open and flexible, so I'm trying my best. I just had a late dinner and it feels aweful in my belly-so filthy and full. Actually I'm looking forward to have some healthy food again at Karuna farms. There everything is organic and veg. The last days I was eating a lot of not really yogic stuff and I feel how it's effecting me.
Hari Om

Monday, January 11, 2010



9pm Sunday 3rd January 2010
Here we go again: Again I'm having a cold and again I'm in Hampi and also gain I don't like it here. The place itsself is absolutely gorgeous, but I can't go with the people here. First of all the number of people is just too much and secondly the type of people, which is mainly some sort of pseudo/fashion hippie. And then there's a lot of drinking and smoking involved here, which is just very overwhelming for me at the moment, too, coming directly from the Vipassana environment. There's just no spirituality at all here and for me it just feels like sin city at the moment. Maybe it's not that bad and I'm just having a cultur-shock after all the Ashram life experiences, but right now I feel like leaving again. Though I found a dirt cheap room, which I can have from tomorrow on in a beautiful hotel, where I can teach also, I don't feel like staying. And I don't feel like teaching here either. I have the impression everything here is just so fake and I don't want to teach Yoga to fake people. Oh gosh I'm so prejudgemental and I'm so sorry about it, but that's just how I feel now. The other thing is that there are already 3 Yoga teachers here, which weren't there last time and that creates competition, greed, pressure etc...I don't want to be part of that and also I don't want to invest so much (money and energy) in advertising myself. Cyriac (the massage teacher who I'm gonna share the space with) said that it's absolutely necessary to print flyers and make a big banner. I don't know about that. I don't want to waste my time, but I don't want to give up on this challenging situation too fast. It's very hard for me to tell what would be the best way to go now. I mean, for sure it would be great to get some teaching experience here and to earn a couple of bugs wouldn't hurt me either. On the other hand I don't have much time left in India and there are countless of exciting and inspiring places that I still want to see. I probably will let the fate decide for me again. So far that was always the right way for me and a wonderful guidance. So, I might stay for a few days and see if I get some students just through word to mouth. If yes I might stay, if not I'd better move on. The other thing is that it's extra hard for me to keep on my meditation and Yoga practice here as the whole environment is so discouraging. Gosh, I really feel like going to the Vipassana centre. I almost stayed actually as I wanted to serve the next course, but then I decided to give it a try and come. I hope that decision was not stupid. The Vipassana course had a very profound impact on me. It started something very very important and I need to keep working. I feel how striking this is for me! Also the people I met there were all so inspiring and it just felt so natural to talk with them about my deepest spiritual thoughts and feelings. I already know that Vipassana is gonna play a very important role in my life.
Hari Om

9pm Wednesday January 6th 2010
Well, I'm still in Hampi, he? Yep! Interesting development. The day before yesterday night I thought that I definitively decided to leave. I slept in that cheap room, which turned out to be aweful, because mouldy, no mosquito-net and no fan and was looking forward to the next day, to book a train and leave. So, I got up in the morning went over to the guesthouse next door, where Aloka and Russel (two awesome dudes I met on the train ride from Pune to Hubli) stayed to have breakfast with them and to book the train together as they're supposed to return to Pune. I went, but they were not there. I had my breakfast and just on my way out I hear somebody calling me from the side:"Excuse me! Sorry, but I was wondering if you know if there are any Yoga classes around here." (I was carrying my mat;) I sat down with that guy, we started chatting and having another chai and it really felt like a sign to me. He was so happy that I'm a Yoga teacher and so looking forward to come to my class. Well, what can I say? After this I decided to give the whole thing another try. First of all I wanted to move again. I really didn't like the vibe at the hotel I was staying and so asked here at the Shanti guesthouse, which is the most beautiful place in Hampi. The view is just breathtaking. You look over the ricepaddies directly on the river and the huge boulders and the sunsets just leave you speechless. So, I asked for a room, chatted with the owner and he offered me that I can teach and therefore stay for free. Alright, I won't say no to that! I stayed and now I'm here in my modest little room, but with fan and mosquitonet and without mold.
Then printed flyers and put them up in the Hema guesthouse where Cyriacs gazebo is and here offering morning and afternoon classes. And yes, it worked:) Today I gave my first official Yogaclass in the mroning! I had two students, both bloody beginners. We practiced on the lawn, which pretty nice, besides the mosquito attack during sunrise. And then I decided to teach on a donation base, so that everybody can giive what he or she can give and feels like. I recommended 150-200 Rupees, cause that's what all the others here charge also. I got a total of 250 Rupees, which was enough for today's food!:) So nice. In the afternoon nobody showed up though, which surprised me a little bit I must say. But I was told that this is normal, as people prefer the mornings, cause in the afternoons they're either busy sightseeing or too lazy. Anyways, I will not complain. Tomorrow there are a few other people who showed interest in joining the class and I'm looking forward to it on the one hand being sceptical (and a bit nervous) about it on the other hand. I mean somehow I hopefully gonna handle it, but it's also more pressure, no? I'll try to take it easy. I mean I'm not really charging anybody and if I don't do a perfect job then it doesn't really matter. Of course, it's not nice and people will say not very nice things, but let's hope for the best and just see what happens. The two students I had this morning were very very inflexible and it was kind of challenging to shift mentally to that level. But that's exactly what I was hoping to get here: Experience! To really get to know how it is to teach people who are new to Yoga, which can be very difficult at times. That I can tell already. And I can also already see other little challenges, like: Keeping the classes interesting enough without making it too scattered and without overwhelming the people. Trying not to get bored of always saying the same things. Staying confident even if the students ask questions that you can't really answer...etc.
So, my "plan" now is that I don't really have one to be honest, which feels OK for the moment. I was and I'm still thinking of taking the Thai Yoga massage course with Cyriac, but I don't really have the money for it right now. Though I'm sure it's a wonderful thing to offer in Tunisia, especially in combination with the Yoga. I could imagine that many people would be interested in it, especially well off ladies. And the other good thing is that again it's something that you can offer anywhere without the need of any equipment. He offered me to work for him and practise here, but I'm not sure if I really want to stay in Hamppi for that much longer actually. Well, I will again just keep trusting in Dhamma and hoping that it'll take care of me in some way or the other. I'm so looking forward to Tunisia and I'm just so excited about how and if it's gonna work out there. I mean that's gonna be my first real attempt to an independent life-making without any boss, any superior person who's gonna tell me what to and how to do it. Finally! Of course, I'm also a bit nervous about it and my mind keeps annoying me with those typical doubts and anxiety thoughts. But I guess that's the mind's job, he? I have to accept that with the knowledge that these are just thoughts that are being offered, but that I don't have to buy them, right? So, I keep going and exploring and risking always with a deep faith in life, in the rule of nature, in Dhamma.
Hari Om

9.25pm, Friday January 8th
Very nice, very nice;)
This was a very pleasant day today, thanks for that! I had a lovely company of Manuel and Lettika, two people I've met here and we went together to see some really special rockformations on the other side of the river. Everything was shaped in a round way and washed out by the masses of water that were flowing over them. This time a year mostly underneath and during the monsoon even over the rocks. We even had a nice dip in one of the natural pools there. So, refreshing! Oh, on our little hike there, which took us through banana plantations and some beautiful fields with little ponds we've seen some small crocodiles. We were told they're living around the river area. It's really amazing how much wildlife they have around Hampi. There are supposed to be even bears in this area and I mean snakes, of course, I don't even have to mention.
From the rocks we found a local who took us back in his boat, which was a selfmade little round something that looked more like a nutshell and was leaking terribly. But it was so much fun to ride in it. Wow, my cold is not really getting better and now my throat is being sore and my ears start aching. Yoga class went very well today. I had two new students in the morning: One who never did any Yoga before and then another one who's been practising Bikram Yoga for a while. Both from London. And it was quite nice actually, eventhough it's really challeging to teach somebody who's really doing it for the very first time. Challenging in a very good way though, as it keeps you alert and aware of your teaching. Then after our excursion I gave a class to Lettika and that was absolutely nice, because we have a very nice energy between us already and that's always being enhanced when you practice together. So the exchange was very good. I'm wondering about tomorrow morning...about how many people are coming and about who is coming. And I really hope that my throat is gonna be better, as I can hardly do the Omkars like that. We'll hope for the best. Actually, it's funny the fact that I'm offering the classes twice a day now and some people are showing up gives me almost the feeling of being at work. I mean somehow I am working and it's fun, too, cause I'm doing what I love and I'm already getting paid for it. But it's also a little committment and have to be there, no matter how tired I am at 7am in the morning and no matter where I am at 4pm. It's a good thing - I like it:-)
Hari Om
P.S. I'm being meditating in the mronings from 5-6am since I'm here which is great, but can't find the time/discipline for the evening sittings so far.

sunday 4.20pm 10.01.2010
I feel so bad! I got sicck in the night from yesterday to today, but really really badly. I spent most of the night on the toilet with diarrhea and vomiting and then I even started bleeding, eventhough I finnished my period 2 days ago. I also got high fever, at least 39 or more and my whole chest is full with mucus. I have no idea what this is and where I have it from and what to do. The fever went down and now up again and my entire body is hurting. I just ate some plain porridge and took some Paracetamol against the fever. The German saying is so true:"A sick person has only one wish. To get better again!" Last night I was so weak that I fainted in the bathroom. So I was laying there for a while before I could get back to my room. That's the other thing. I don't have an attached bathroom here, which doesn't really help. I just hope that it will disappear as mysteriosly and as quickly as it came up. Then of course I couldn't teach my class and I feel a little bad about it as I couln't tell my students in advance that I won't be there. But what can I do. Yesterday morning I had about 8 or 10 students in my class. Wow, that was different. But I managed them OK I think. Nobody complained and everybody donated something. One person even gave me a banana...what ever that means?
Right now I kind of feel like leaving home and just being with my mum;) But I guess that's gonna change as soon as I'm cured again. I also have the desire to leave hampi, but I suppose that this also has to do with my current physical health state and a maybe subconscious aversioon against the location I got it from. At leat there are some people who take care of me. My neighbours here I know from Omkareshwa and they are very sweet. And then Cyriac came here and brought me some Paracetamol and was just there. So that's nice after all. Also Manuel offered to get me a doctor. I guess if I don't feel better by tomorrow I'm gonna see one, just to make sure it's not Malaria or anything dangerous. I hope that they're able to make a blood test here. Alright, back to sleep.
Hari Om

11.01.2010 Monday 5.50pm
I went to the doctor today with Cyriac, who also got sick. But we weren't really lucky as the doctor was not there and so we just talked to the nurse who gave us some medicine against our sypmtoms. The thing is now that I'm taking the Paracetamol, but I'm still having fever, which is strange. I mean according to what I've heard so far, I don't think that I have Malaria, but I kind of suspect that there's something wrong going on in me, because I just had too many times fever the last weeks. And also now it's very suspicios that it's hard to control. I might wanna go to Hospet tomorrow to get a blood test - here there's nothing around where I could get it tested. It's very rural. Also I'm getting a sort of bad conscious, because I'm not really able to teach and the people still keep showing up in the mornings. Then I'm staying here for free and I'm not able to teach right now, which leaves me feeling a bit guilty, too. The energy here in Hampi is really strong and keeps me very alert about being here. On the one hand I'm comfy and it's nice and so on, but on the other hand I have a strong urge to leave as soon as possible. I was talking to Shuli today about it and she has the same feeling about this place. Wow, I'm sweating so much! So, I'm not sure what to do about the teaching. I feel pretty much under pressure to do it, but I don't feel healthy enough to go for it. I think I won't. Health is much more important in the end.
Hari Om

12.01.2010 Tuesday 9am
Had the worst diarrhea in the night. Just water coming out of me, though I'm taking the medication. Feel so weak. I'm trying to see a real doctor in Hospet now. I hope he can help. I feel like leaving this place so much!

Sunday, January 3, 2010

About caves, poojas and lives!


Tuesday, December 8th 09. 7.30pm

I'm so full still! We had an awesome super-Thali for lunch with at least 10 different items. The waiters were waering little turbans and the whole place was kind of tacky, but delicious though. So, it worked out. We all got on that very fancy transporter/bus-thingy in the morning with our private driver who drove us to Aurangabat. It's so weired, cause everything is organized by Tammy and nobody has to worry about anything, which is cool on the one hand, but strange, too, as I'm not used it at all. Neither to letting go all the control, nor the travelling-style, which is much more luxurious than what I'm used to. But I decided to jusst fully enjoy these 3 days together now as much as possible and to be easy about whatever we gonna do. So far it really works. We had a lot of fun today actually. We went to the "Mini-Tajmahal". I forgot the aactual name of it but it's really built after the Taj and is just a little smaller. So beautiful. Our hotel is kinda nice, too. I'm sharing my room with Janette and Erika. Tomorrow at 5.30am we're heading to Ellora, hopefully early enough to see the sunrise there and to do some Yoga. Wow, this is gonna be my first night out of the Ashram since one month.

Hari Om

P.S. I'm not sure if going to the Osho Ashram is the wisest choice now, moneywise...

Wednesday December 9th. 10pm

So, today was sightseeing at the Ellora caves and what can I say? I'm just speechless! That place is just unbelievable - so amazing! I mean all these massive caves are carved! out of a huge mountain. By hand, by thousands of workers! I think these caves should be considered as a world wonder, they deserve it. We did some chanting in some of them and the accoustic was so gorgeous, too. I think the whole day was alltogether just so wonderful. I spent most of the time with Stefan and Jonette, which was a pretty awesome combination. Very relaxed and balanced and all of us love chai and food, which very important! What's will happen tomorrow is not really clear to me yet. I kind of cancelled Osho, because of money and I'm leaning towards Omkareshwa. Though I just heard that not too far there's a tiger reservoir where it's a 99,9% chance to see tigers from the back of an elephant, which is really not the worst thing to do in the world. Well, I gotta talk to Stefan as I'll be travelling with him I think.

Hari Om

P.S. Short, but fun yoga moves at the caves today+Scorpion.


Friday 11.12.09

What a beautiful start into this day. After very busy night (we ended up fighting some really aggressive mosquitos) we finally got onto the bus to Omkareshwa at 8am. Half an hour later we arrived and after various conversations about delicious dishes we had an even better breakf(e)ast. Finally finally finally some good food in a clean and nice environment. We ate at the Ganesha guesthouse with a beautiful view on the river and some unyogic treats: I had a cheese paratha&an aloo paratha +2 chais and a huge Nutella-Banana-Pancake for dessert. Yummy! Then we went to the Anandamaji Ashram, which was really easy to find as everybody here knows it. We spent the rest of the day with first relaxing and then walking around the island. Yeah, we're on an Omkar shaped island. That's why it's called "Omkareshwa"! On our walk we met various Babas who friendly greated us and ivited us for tea and hash. We stayed with a group of three of them and ended up chanting and staying for much longer than we thought. I even almost tried some of their ganja (it's so tempting, as everybody is smoking it here and looks so relaxed), but I resisted. It was a beautiful experience though to hang out with these guys. Then the dinner at the Ashram was another intersting happening as opposed to our former Ahsram here everybody chants before eating. We all sit on the floor and the boys walk around and serve the food, which is awesome, but also tempting to eat too much;) The chappatis are just sooo tasty. Yum!

Hari Om


Saturday 12.12.09 8.30pm

My whole body is itching like crazy! It all started during our journey from Aurangabad to Khanwa when I sat in the train station onn the dirty floor some nasty bugs ate my feet alive. And I really hope that I didn't get any bed bugs again. Since a couple of hours my entire scalp is itching and I'm scratching everything incessantly. I really really hope I don't have any (Laeuse) head-bugs (?). I hate them so much and it seems like everybody in town has them as they all check on each others head all day long. At least my cold or whatever it is is slowly getting better, finally. I still feveresh sometimes and not 100% cured, but I can see an improvement.

Last night was our first night here at the Anandamaji Ashram and today we had our first full day here. It's a very colorfull place here and I don't mean only the paintings and murals. Everybody shines brightly at this Ashram. We live here with several (30?esh) little boys who go to the atached school, which makes the whole stay very special. The children are very friendly and just beautiful. Every morning at 5 am and every evening at 7pm the two Gurus, several Karma Yogis and the kids hold a 2 hours long Puja, with a lot of singing, incents and dancing. We have our meals together with everybody else at 7am, 11.30am and 6.30pm. The food is similar to the Ashram food at Yoga Vidya, maybe a bit spicier and even simpler. Today Stefan and me did some Seva (same as Karma Yoga/selfless service) in the kitchen, where we helped to chop veggies for lunch and even had the chance to prepare some Chappatis, which was great fun. Now I finally learned the "secret" about good Chappatis: You gotta put them first on a pan for 2 minutes and then into the open flame until they blow up with air. I didn't know about the second step before and that's why my chappatis were always so hard;) After lunch we went for walk again and climbed up another Shiva temple and went to over the bridge into town. There we had the chance to meet two Sikhs who invited us into their temple. It was funny, because they gave us two headscraves, which just looked so ridiculous on us. But then it was really nice, as they gave us a guided meditation and a little private concert. Then in the very moment when we thought OK now they want money from us, cause one priest opened a metal box, he grabbed some sweets and thanked us before he offered us some chai. That was an awesome experience. Actually I must say that Omkareshwa is already one of favourite places so far in India: The energy here is just overwhelmingly positive. Everybody greets you with a warm Hari Om and a smile, you get invited for chai wherever you go and the surroundings are just gorgeous! This morning I did some Asanas on one of the beautiful huge balconies of the Ashram with a view on the river when the sun rose. During my practice the Puja was going on. Most of the people I meet here just wanted to stay for some days and some of them ended up staying several months or never left. I can see that. I'm so glad that Robert told me about this place and that I decided to come here instead of Osho. At least for now this is the right decision. I just started reading the little booklet they have here about Sri Ma Anandamaji and she seemed to be an amazing women. I'll try to get some sleep.

Hari Om


Sunday Dec. 13th 09.9.30pm

What a beautiful day this was! Full of joy.

After I dropped my toothbrush into the toilet this morning (which was stuck and full of sh...) I wasn't quite sure about the rest of the day, but then it got immediately better. I got up earlyesh again at 5.45am and had an hour of Asanas again, which was really great. I was very awake and focused. Then after a delicious breakfast (sweet Semolina and chai) we helped to prepare the Pulao for lunch, which we would have somewhere else...Today is Sunday and Sundays apparently are excursion superfun days: Swami Gurunanda's brother and his family came over, too and we all took two boats from the private Ashram platform and went on our trip. So, about 30 young kids, two Swamis, a handfull Karma Yogis and a handfull whiteys got together on this Ashram-tour. We stopped, I think at three or four different Ashrams. One was more beautiful than the other and so different! The last one was run by an Austrian Baba who lives here since 30 years and who looks a little bit like a blond version of Bob Marley. He just got his Indian citizenship and was so happy about it. After our journey Stefan and me went for chai and biscuits at one of those amazing little chai shoppes close by, which are chai shoppe, living room, kitchen, garage and bedroom in one. So cool! In the afternoon we did some Asanas together with Damian who is another Yoga-teacher here from Buenos Aires. It's so much fun to exchange experiences and energies with people from different Yoga backgrounds. This Ashram is just such a find. I'm here now for only 2 days and I feel already like home, because everybody makes you feel like home. I can totally imagine to come back again.

Hari Om

P.S. After we fed some of the monkeys here I got attacked by one of them and I got almost bitten. I could save myself in the last second! My head is still itching a bit, though it's a bit better. I hope it'll be gone by tomorrow.


Monday 9.30pm 14.12.2009

I just came back up from the nightly Puja, which went on for really long today. The Pujas here are really powerful: All the dancing, singing, jumping and smiling make me so happy. This place is magical and eventhough I totally know that things change every day and every moment I caan say that at least now in this moment I could imagine to stay here for very very long. And I mean very long, like maybe a year or so. This place has such a high potential: For example alternative recycling projects, solar oven, teaching English etc. I could imagine many many things to do here besides practising Yoga.

Today I talked a bit more to Narajanee one of the other Yoga teachers and I think she really knows a lot. She's also a spiritual singer and she writes her own chants as well. I like her a lot and it was interesting to chat with her. Maybe I can learn from her. Tomorrow our Spanish crew is leaving, which is sad. I really got used to these sweet people. Damian, one of them, gave us an Ashtanga lesson today. It was a really nice class, but I had to find out that Ashtanga is really not for me. It's just too hardcore. I prefer my Hatha:) Tomorrow we said we wanna stay the whole day at the Ashram for reading, swimming, meditating, which means no chai in town. We'll see...

Hari Om


9.20pm Tuesday December 15th 09

What an intense Puja! I can still feel it in my whole system. I don't know if it was only me who experienced it so strongly tonight, but it was very powerful. The drumming became even faster, louder and wilder than it already usually gets and the vibration got incredible. I grabed a percussion instrument from one of the smaller kids, who fell into sleep, which made me even wilder.

Besides that this was a very nice, quiet and peaceful day. I got up early as usual did my Yogasanas and helped in the kitchen, which was pretty long today. Stefan and me had to peel and chop a gigantic pumpkin, which took us about two hours. Afterwards we went for a quick dip in the river - fully dressed, of course. After a very nice lunch I decided to have a little siesta before I went for a chai with Magali, one of our new guests here. I gave her a Yogasana class and it turned out to be very challenging: First of all because of the mosquitos and secondly, because Magali had really a hard time not to talk continously. That was a bit irritating, but also a good challenge. Later I had a very nice talk to Swamiji and he told me that he likes talking to me and that he can see my sincerity, also about Yoga. That meant a lot to me, because I really respect that man a lot and that coming from him is very nice to hear. I think I can learn a lot from him. Tomorrow morning I'm going with him and some other people around the island to do the pilgrimmige walk. I'm really looking forward to it, as he knows a lot of people here, which gives you another perspective than just passing by.

Hari Om


8.30 pm Wednnesday 16.12.09

Everyday is so different; also regarding health issues. So, I think that I don't have lices, eventhough my head keeps itching, but not enough to have lices. Instead I have strange bites all over my legs, really so many! They look like mosquito bites, but they're on my thighs, which is weired, because I'm wearing long pants at all times. means, these little monsters either bite through them or it's something else. In any case, I hate it whatever it is! Then my nose piercing got infected very badly, too, today. I don't have any mirrors here to check on my nose, but I could feel that something is going wrong there. And when Magali asked me if I have a scar in my nose I checked and had to find out that I have a huge ball filled with all yummy infected yellow stuff and blood. I had to open it and desinfect it, which was really not the funnest thing I've done since I'm here.

I really do love India so much, but sometimes I really feel like my body is slowly giving up on this country. At the moment everything just feels superitchy and grosse.

OK, speaking about nice things now: We went to do the pilgrim round with Swamiji, the Indian Brahmen-family and Magali+Stefan. It was really great, because Swamiji knows almost every single Baba on the island and many little stories about places and people. We ended up visiting loads of temples and drinking loads of chai. We even made it to the old, actually very old, Saint, which was awesome. I got blessed by him. The whole thing took us over 5 hours and the last hour was really challenging, as I had to go to the bathroom so badly ( no bathroom anywhere) and to eat, of course. Well, people who know me a bit, know what happens to me if I don't get my meals in time...I get really upset! But, yeah, of course, I controlled myself and kept quiet, but it was a hard job. Especially when they decided to enter the big Shiva Temple, which was so overcrowded (today is a special Hindu holiday). Fortunately Swamiji knew some people who let us in from a side door and we skipped hundreds of people. Inside the temple we got squeezed together like in one of those "modern" slaughterhouses. Frankly, I couldn't see/feel any spirituality in there. It was just too many desperate people.

Today the Baba of our Ashram arrived, who we just missed when we came back. But he's gonna stay for some time, so I assume that I'll make it to meet him before I leave here. Honestly after that round today I felt a little overkill of Hindustuff and that's also why I didn't go to the Arti (singing pooja) tonight. On the one hand I feel a bit guilty not to go as Baba is there and it's a big deal, so everybody went. But I feel some unreleased anger in me and I don't want to be around too many people in this state of mind, which is better for both sides I guess.

Oh, another interesting thing I saw today was a naked Yogi in the rocks. Swamiji told us that this man lives in the rocks since many years in a deep meditative state and that he since ever refuses to wear clothes. He used to have a little family, before he left them to become a Yogi. India is really amazing - I would reckon that it is the only country in the world, where you can have these people living in the society without being judged or put away into mental health hospitals. It's also so interesting to see the different perspective/approach to mental health or sanity in general here. It's great and it makes me feel very very "normal", which is very very weired for me. Me always being the weirdo usually. But here, no problem: I want to do some Neti (nasal cleansing with salt water) in the morning? I just ask Santosh, our chef here, for some warm salt water and do it on the porch. Everybody passes by and just greets me with a friendly "Jeema/Hari Om:", while I let the water flow from one nostril in the other. And no one even bothers to wonder about it. Feels like home:) I can't believe that I'm gonna leave already in a couple of days. And I'm also getting a very vague idea of what the Vipassana will be like...because I'm sitting here a lot, too and it's been torture for my knees already. So, I'm really wondering or let's say expecting it to be, at least physically, hell! Tomorrow Stefan and me are going to do the pilgim tour very early in the morning to see the sunrise on one of the temples hopefully. That's gonna be special! I feel like there are so many beautiful things to do here in Omkareshwa that it's really hard to get bored at all. Omkareshwa actually reminds me, at least in terms of vibe/energy a lot of San Marcos de la Laguna. And that means a lot!

Hari Om

10.30 pm Thursday 17.12.09

Today we left the Ashram very early in the morning to watch the sunrise on top of the old temple on the other side of the island. There we did some Yoga and meditation and eventhough it was pretty cloudy I enjoyed it so much. Then we had a quite big breakfast at the Ganesh where we spent another big part of the day chatting with a nice Israeli couple, while it was pouring outside. Back at the Ashram I gave Stafen a Yoga class and a nice massage afterwards. I really enjoyed giving the class today, it felt very energizing. After the Arti, Magali gave a little fireshow for everybody and I finally got to meet our Baba. It was a bit odd to me or at least I wasn't used to it, but when he descended the stairway with the help of a small boy everybody went down on their knees and surrendered in front of him. Because everybody was doing it, I did the same, of course. After the show he asked for Magali's name and left again. He seems to be a friendly old man and I wonder if it makes sense to talk to him before I leave. Tomorrow morning we gonna try to do the round again, but this time for real. Today we got stuck at the Ganesh, which was not planned. Today during the Arti, when we were meditating, I had my first serious doubts about the Vipassana. I tried t overcome my pain and just stay in my sitting position without moving, but it was just impossible! The pain was too strong. I really wonder if I'm ready for Vipassana. I guess I will find out soon. All the train tickets to Igatpuri are booked out by the way, so I was suggested to just go to the train station and ask for the so-called emergency tickets. I hope they exist...

Hari Om


9.30pm Friday 19th

I really hope that this is just a bad day, but I feel like I'm getting sick again. A few people here are having a cold already and I felt really fatigue and sore and weired today. Maybe it'll be gone by tomorrow. So, other than that it was a nice little day again. We didn't do the round in the morning, because I didn't feel in the right shape for it. So, we stayed and I did my daily Yoga practice here. In the afternon I went with Magali and Stefan for a walk to an abandoned place at the river where it's possible to swim without clothing. The others did, but eventually I felt to weak. That's OK, it was a very peaceful and beautiful spot anyways and I could do some good relaxation. Of course, on our way we stopped for chai twice. I'm really having too much sugar the last days. All those biscuits and the chai is being a bit over actually. But it's so tempting as the chai shops are really everywhere! And it's so cheap (5 rupees) and so convenient. I gotta be more careful and I also feel that I could definitively need a bit of fasting, but especially here I'm having a hard time to resist all the yummyness. Tomorrow morning Stefan and me are planning to do some vaman again. The month is nearly over since we're practiced last time and I wanna get myself used to it a little bit more. Wow, it's only one more day for me here. I can't believe how time is running. Frankly, I'm not sure anymore if I really want to go to the Vipassana. I'm really wondering if it's a smart thing to do right now, regarding my health condition. I mean tonight at the arti I had to move to the wall, because sitting became just unbearably painfull. And the tough thing is, as so often, to make the right decision. Soon! I spoke with Narayanee today about this and that and I'm getting such a strong energy from her. I think she has something in her, something really truthful and powerful. So, I guess tomorrow I have to decide about my next step and I hope that I'll get some help with my decision.

Hari Om

P.S. I got a nice colorful thingi into my hair from Magali. I like it a lot.

10.55pm Friday 19.12.09

How fun was that!? Wow, yay:) I just came back from our downstairs temple where we had our daily satsang session with Babaji and it was the first time that I attained it. So, first I was a bit or frankly very sceptikal, because when babaji came out of his room again everybody (including me) threw him/herself on the floor when he passed. To me, because so unfamiliar and bizarr, I had to really hold myself not to outburst in loud laughing as it reminded me on those oldfashioned fairytale movies that they show on Christmas, where the folks come to see the king and they have to bow down and stuff. Anyways, he is a very old man who walks with a stick has a long white beard and is quite the appearance. He looks very serious actually. Then we had to wait for 15 minutes until he called everybody to come up as well. There we gathered in a little tiny room on the floor and Babaji sat on a bench. After Swamiji played the harmonioum and sang it was everynody's turn to sing and everyone did very well. Not expecting that Babaji would only think of asking me, he suddenly points at me and orders me to sing! I was shocked, a bit honoured too, but mainly speechless. Everybody kept whispering to me that I should sing now, cause he asked me to and I got really nervous, cause I really wanted to but didn't have my lyrics for my favourite chant. Then Naryani started one and I jumped up and ran to my room to get the lyrics. Back down I was ready: It was so funny! I wanted to sing a glorious Kirtan and pictured a very crazy crowd singing, dancing and drumming...instead my Sanskrit pronounciation was so unclear that nobody understood and the response was a weired sounding mumbling mix and I was so excited by what I was doing that I couldn't handle singing, reading the lyrics, clapping and smiling, which resulted in just singing some fantasy-words that don't exist in any language. Anyways, it was great fun and everybody was smiling, which is most important! Then some of the boys sang and Babaji asked me to dance-so cool! After the Satsang, on his way out he lifted his stick, pointed at me and said:"You better prepare a song again for tomorrow. Such a wonderful voice." I had to laugh, because I knew what he meant. This man is so awesome and so funny, too. What a great evening. Oh, I booked my train ticket today. I let the fate make the decision for me and so when I checked the train and there was only 1 (!) seat left for the next 5 days or so, out of numerous trains I took it. So, I'm leaving here Monday morning for Igatpuri. After that we'll see.

There's a young Swami here since a few days. He arrived with Babaji and he originally from Israel and lives since 2001 in the Ashram. I tried to ignore it, but I find him really hot! I thought I'm not interested in men or I hoped not to, so that i could focus more on my spiritual practice, but apparently these temptations can't be switched off that easily. He has just such a amazing positive energy that it blows me away. I wonder if he's allowed to be friendly with women. I mean that's the thing: I don't know how to approach him, cause I don't want to act inapproriately. It was the same when I was asked to dance tonight and I suddenly realized that I'm dancing mainly with my hips and butt as I'm used to doing it from tunisia when we play drums. But here I'm in an Ashram and I wasn't sure if that was too sexual already. Hm, very confusing these things. I wanna have a Swami-boyfriend! Then we can play that I'm Kali his goddess and he's Shiva my Guru. How great is that?! OK, I think I had too much adrenalin tonite;) brain is going mad...

Hari Om

6.20pm, Monday 21st December 09

OKOKOK. calm down Sarah!

I finally mage it to the Vipassana centre and these wll probably be my "last lines"...at least before January 1st;) (in case I don't cheat!)

So, yesterday was my last day at the Anandamaji-Ashram and again it was a blast. Nothing really special just a rlexaed balanced day. I taught a Yoga class to my French neighbours, a couple from Montpellier who run a Yoga Hostael there. Very sweet people and they liked my class a lot. They said it felt like I'm doing it since forever. What a nice compliment, especially coming from two experienced Yoga teachers. Yesterday night we hung out again with Baba and it was very intense again. this man has such an aura and I'm seriously thinking about going back there after this, just be around him. Narayani told me that he is realized/enlightened and that he can read one's mind! Wow.

I gotta hurry up in a few minutes the opening programm starts. So, we left very early in the morning and we were lucky because they arranged a boat for us which brang us to the other side. Oh gosh, I'm missing all the Ashram people already, they're just so sweet. Then we took a bus to Khandwa, did some errands had numerous chais and a nice goodbye. The strange thing was only that I missed my train:( BUT, thanks to the universal power I got "accidentially" on another train, which also went to Igatpuri, which I didn't know though. It's a long story with a lot of confusion, but in the end I can only say that everything went on well, eventhough I didn't have a seat (an Indian family gave me theirs) and no ticket (again the family helped me out and tricked out the train staff). So, friendly! It turned out that I arrived in Igatpuri even earlier than with the "right" train. But I was late anyways, because I misinterpreted the confirmation mail, which asked me to be here before 2pm and I thought not before 2pm. Anyhow, I'm here and I have my own rom with an attached bathroom, which is way more luxury than I thought! There are over 600 people here and it's a huge beautiful complex with a very good organization, so far. I even got some numbers that I can attach to my laundry and then it'll be washed in one day. I'm very very excited and nervous about the whole thing to be honest. But I'm gonna try to stay as open and non-judgemental as possible. Alright, I have to leave...

Hari Om


5.30pm Tuesday 22.12.09

I know, I know. I'm totatally not allowed to do this, but I don't care. It's just too tempting and I don't think that writing a couple of lines will be that bad for my practice here. So, today was the first real day, or better to say it still is. And I already had my ups and downs man, holy cow! The day starts at 4am, then we have 2 hours group meditation in the big hall and 6.30-7.15 am breakfast. After that there's some 45 minutes for taking a shower and stuff, before we meet at the hall again for 1 hour of group meditation and from 9-11 individual meditation in the own room. I have to admit that I did some Yoga during that time to loosen my muscles a bit. But hey, they said to us "don't stop taking your medicine during your stay" and Yoga is definitevely my medicine in many aspects. At 11am we got lunch, which was amazingly delicious, then 1hour rest and at 2pm meditation in the hall until 5pm. After that they give us tea and a snack, which constists of one banana and some rice chips. That's really not much, but I guess it's supposed to be better for the practice.

Actually I'm very lucky, because I could manage to get a "chouwki", which is a little mini-chair, because of my injury. So, now I'm sitting on that chouwki together with many old Indian women;) Eventhough I have that chair, my butt is already sore and so are my legs and my mind, too, by the way. I mean, I don't wanna make it sound like hell, it's really not too bad, but it's damn f... hard! What I actually didn't expect is that I'm really having a hard time to stay awake during the practice. I almost always find myself nodding off when my head suddenly falls down. And also, I immediately have absolutely strange and wild dreams or pictures in my head, almost like in a druggy trip. I'm one of a few foreigners here and the fact that all the Indian ladies here are dressed very similarly, then the gender segregation and the silence and the staring make the whole situation here even more odd and it reminds a bit on jail, I must say. Especially when we get the food. Wow, hundreds of women are lined up, some of them really pushy and then there not really enough chairs and the standing party keeps staring at you while you try to shuffle the food into your mouth as fast as possible. Actually that's not true. Frankly I'm taking my time. Maybe it's selfish, but I don't like rushing. OK, to be honest at the moment I 'm pretty fed up already and I keep asking myself why the heck I came here;) But hey, I knew that this would happen, so I just try to get over it. "Just"...

Hari Om

P.S.: I think my computer is breaking down already. It makes funny noises and takes ages to get ready.


31.12.09 which day? no idea! 4pm

Today was/is the last day of our course here and we are allowed to talk again. There are so many things to write about. Too many things. For now i want to remain a bit more inside, before I allow these things to come out. But so much I can say: I'm very very happy, thankful and full of love. I'm so blessed.

Hari Om